Today’s reading: Ezekiel 2-3; 1 Corinthians 13
I feel like 1 Corinthians 13 is a truth that I am only now really starting to understand.
The idea that, without love, even the greatest expression of the greatest spiritual gift, is essentially worthless, is something I would assent to in the past, but don’t think my heart could ever really embrace. Basically my entire life, and my entire identity before I came to know the Lord was rooted in my performance. Even after coming to know the Lord, I still drew a lot of my identity from my performance in various areas. Over time, I think the performance I was seeking validation from shifted from being primarily focused on worldly pursuits to being more focused on Godly/Christian pursuits, but I was still drawing a lot of my identity from my performance and successes. As a result, while I could read 1 Corinthians 13 and say, “Yep, this needs to be rooted in love,” the reality is that I was much more concerned with how well I stacked up against others than with how well I loved others.
Over the past few years especially though, I feel like God has been drawing my attention to just how terrible I am at loving others. I may know the Bible better than most people I know, but so what if I’m not loving well? I may be able to teach a Bible study pretty effectively, but so what if I’m not loving well? I may be able to stay disciplined enough to pray more than many others, but so what if I’m not loving well?
Even as a Christian, I have continued, in so many ways, to draw my identity and personal validation from my performance and capabilities, which has led me to prioritize those things over loving well.
I have felt, lately though, an incredible freedom from that. I have not felt like God must be more pleased with me one day when I am performing well than He is another day when I’m not, and that freedom has opened my eyes to what I have been missing. I have been so focused, for so long, on the functional, that I have never really stopped to let the Lord transform my ability to love others.
The irony is that, in my quest to validate myself by being good at godly things, I have largely failed to learn to be good at the thing God prizes most highly.
I don’t want to be a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. I want to learn to love well in His name, and to have loving others be as much my priority as it is His.
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